Beginning 2023 with Acceptance
"Compassion today looks like not talking myself out of joy."
Happy New Year, Family!
There’s something about a new year that gets me excited. It’s not about resolutions—although Sis loves a good ritual (see up top, my annual New Year’s Day frolic and polar plunge on the beach). It’s more about the FEELING of newness that comes over me. In a very embodied way, I feel revived and refreshed at the beginning of a new season or year and I’m grateful for that.
As I’ve prepared for the New Year, I’ve been thinking a lot about acceptance. In fact, there’s a quote attributed to Longfellow that says:
“the best thing one can do when it’s raining is let it rain.”
Acceptance for me is about the releasing of control. Because of my own past experiences with trauma, I still tend to hold on to things tightly in order to give myself some semblance of control. In fact, there’s a part of me likes to manufacture circumstances to keep the stories I make up in mind about people, places, and things alive. On the other hand, there’s another part of me that’s constantly hyper vigilant. I needed to get ahead of whatever I thought was coming—whether it actually came or not. Early in my healing and therapy work, I used to get really angry with myself when this stuff would come up in my behavior. But now, I have more grace for that part of me. I recognize that it was how I learned to stay safe. The Longfellow quote reminds me that there is really only one thing to do when I feel out of control. Be still, sit with it, wait it out, and use my tools to manage my body’s responses in the meantime. It always stops raining eventually.
Another part of acceptance for me is honoring the signs of progress, no matter how small, when they show themselves. There goes that grace again. Learning how to extend grace to myself is so important, yes, but I’m also learning how to sit in the joy of a moment when I can actually see my healing at work. There’s power AND peace in being able to sit deep in your memories and not be emotionally pummeled by them. I was able to do that for the first time recently and I was so grateful for the sign that this healing work I’m doing is progressing.
Here’s the thing: I’m actually really good with sitting with myself on bad days. Bad days are familiar and—unfortunately—comfortable. Part of self-compassion for me lately is really being comfortable sitting in my good days. Telling myself I deserve joy. Paying attention to how joy feels in my body. A couple of years ago, on the first substantial snow of the year, me, Hubby, and Baby girl went sledding at this empty hill near our house super early in morning. My heart was so full. It was so much fun! And that feeling of joy is still in my body. I can call it up when I need it. Compassion today looks like not talking myself out of that joy. Not creating stories in my head that steals from it.
So I suppose that’s my invitation to you today: Look for the positive signs. Even when things are HARD hard. My truth is that God always reveals tiny, sometimes micro-sized glimmers of light. Sometimes it’s just the beating of our hearts. Other times, like me lately, it’s been monumental reminders of how far I’ve come. We all just have to fix our eyes to see these signs. Express gratitude when we do and—yep, I’mma say it again—grace when we just can’t.
Love y’all,
tmlg
Looking for something to ground you as embark on this new year? Listen for free to these two guided meditations I have on the InsightTimer app:
"Only in stillness does the imperceivable become discernible." -Bryant McGill
I love this post. I am currently, really doing the work to both accept joy, and expect joy. Without waiting for the bad to come.